


It's Not a Wake up Call

by Redleafmornings



Series: Melting Resistance [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blood, Broken nose, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Night Terrors, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, accidental violence, this is going both ways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 16:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9557879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redleafmornings/pseuds/Redleafmornings
Summary: After another episode Ben starts to wonder if Brendol really wants him around anymore.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This series was started before The Name™ was released, so he will be Brendol in all of these stories.

Some days Brendol could see how well Ben was doing, since he decided to go to university he seemed to have more purpose, more energy. He still avoided looking at himself in the mirror, like he couldn’t look at who he was now, but he didn’t wince when Brendol touched his scars. At least most of the time. 

It was still that way when Brendol tried to get him to talk about what had happened in the past. Not that Brendol wanted to know every gory detail, but with his father it had really helped. Getting it out there and saying it over and over again took the edge off. With Ben, there was always a sharp edge as if he was still bleeding from the wounds he had received that day, and all Brendol got was clipped responses.

Even though Ben never said it, Brendol knew how he felt about himself. On the surface, he knew that Brendol wanted him, but sometime he could swear that Ben couldn’t allow himself to believe it yet. Like this might be another thing taken for him if he allows himself to reach out. 

It wasn’t easy, but Brendol only loved him more now that they lived together. 

Change always caused flare up’s and with the end of his job in sight Ben had had a few bad days.

The worst where the days Ben woke up screaming, they weren’t often but it was terrifying to hear someone he loved sounding so pained. 

As Brendol’s eyes snapped open, he realised it was going to be one of those days. 

The noises sounded like he was dying, pained screams with this horrible edge of someone who is aching. Ben was thrashing and Brendol didn’t remember the warnings. 

He reached out and grabbed Ben, and then his world was pain as he felt something crack in his nose. Brendol didn’t even have time to react as he took the blow and the force was enough to snap his head back. 

He was seeing stars as he felt the warm blood start to flow. 

The connection between them seemed to be enough to pull Ben out of it and he could hear the heavy breathing next to him like Ben had just run a race. 

“Baby?”

His voice sounded terrified, it was odd to hear, something new and yet so very unpleasant. 

Brendol licked his lips and tasted blood. He was going to make a mess of the bed if he didn’t get up. First though he forced himself to sit up, and close his eyes against the feeling of the bloods dripping over his lips as the small buildup changed position. His whole face throbbed.

“Baby?”

The second time he could hear the doubt in Ben’s voice, like this was the time that he had done something unforgiveable. 

Brendol couldn’t leave him hurting and forced himself to talk through the pain.

“I’m right here Ben.”

His voice sounded odd; wrong. 

The lamp on the nightstand flicked on and he heard Ben swear. 

Blinking as his eyes adjusted he could see that he was bleeding on their bed, on their fresh clean sheets. 

“It was you.”

There was horror in the words and quickly Ben was acting. He seemed to be able to pull himself together than Brendol could. His hair stuck to his face with sweat and his pupils were still blown wide from the night terrors.

It took only a few breaths for Ben to start pulling himself back together. He quickly scooped Brendol up into his arms and quickly took him into the bathroom. Neither of them were wearing anything and Brendol felt a little like he was floating as he was deposited on the bathroom countertop. 

“I’m so sorry Bren.”

Ben already sounded choked and his big expressive eyes were glimmering. 

“’So kay.”

Moving his lip pulled at his nose and he tried to avoid it in his response. 

Ben was working quickly turning his head up and first bringing a cold cloth to wipe him clean and then a second dry one to collect any further droplets. 

He didn’t miss that Ben’s hands were shaking as he tended to him. 

“We should go to he hospital. I broke it.”

Brendol would have argued but then he caught sight of his face in one of mirrored Ben always turned away. His nose was already swollen and it was crooked. Not the cute small bend in Ben’s large nose, but an angle that told him something was wrong. 

He was trying to pull himself together, he should be the one there for Ben, helping him shake off his nightmares, but the image of himself was too startling. 

“Okay.”

Another agreement that pulled at his nose. 

At least the direction gave Ben something to do and while Brendol sat nude with his nose leaned forward, he could hear Ben dressing in the other room. 

It took a second for him to slip off the counter and start to make his way back into their bedroom. 

Ben already had an old stretched out t-shirt on, one that Brendol himself had stolen on many occasions, and tight jeans. 

“I can drive us on the bike.”

His own clothing was already laid out and before he could start to dress Ben was beside him helping him so he didn’t have to look down. 

Not until the last button was done up did he respond to what Ben had said. 

“Call a cab, too shook up.”

He kept his sentence short to keep from jarring anything, but he still felt it. 

“Right, right I should have thought of that.”

Ben was berating himself as he made his way to his phone. At least it was a good time for it. Since Ben still had two more weeks at the call centre they slept in the day and it was hardly two pm.

Ben fumbled through the conversation but it wasn’t long before he finished and returned to Brendol’s side. 

They walked to the door together, only pausing in the kitchen for Ben to put some ice in a bag with a towel wrapped around, and to get Brendol’s papers for the hospital. 

Brendol held tight onto Ben’s hand as they rode the elevator, and he kept that grip as they walked through the lobby to sit on the front steps. 

He made sure that he held on even as he sat, so that Ben had to sit beside him. He wasn’t in the best state to reassure him, but Brendol would do what he could.

Brendol rubbed his thumb over the back of Ben’s hand. A silent I’m here, it’s okay.

“I’m so sorry.”

He could hear the wetness in Ben’s voice, the pitiful whine to his tone as he tried to keep himself together. 

Brendol could see him pulling in on himself, his broad shoulders dropping as he tried to make himself smaller.

Brendol squeezed the hand in his own. 

“It was my own fault.”

Ben wouldn’t look at him and it took a moment for it to occur to Brendol that this was about more than just the episode, and probably more than his broken nose.

He was a kicked animal who already expected the blow before it came, wincing away. 

Brendol’s mind swam with possibilities, guilt over hurting his partner, the past memories swallowing the present, or the one that he hoped it wasn’t. That Ben was still waiting for him to decide he wasn’t worth it and leave. 

His answer came in Ben’s next words.

“I’m sorry you have to put up with me. I wish you could have known me before.”

It made him feel sick. 

The pain and the ice bag balanced on his face made this a terrible time for the conversation, but he couldn’t leave that alone.

“I don’t, I love you now.”

Ben still wouldn’t look at him, but his shoulders relaxed just a touch. They didn’t speak against until after they had arrived at the hospital. Then it was a swarm of movement, getting his nose checked out, and even x-rayed to make sure that none of the bone was fractured. 

In the end, it was manually reset and Brendol crushed Ben’s hand in his own. 

This time Ben didn’t look away. 

He had a brace on his nose and his eyes looked like he had been punched, but it felt a little better. It helped that his husband was there for every step of the way. 

It wasn’t until he was riding back up to his apartment that he was feeling clear enough that he knew they still needed to talk. 

Ben touched him like he was afraid he would hurt him again, but it had been long enough that Brendol knew better. Although sex could get rough Ben had never hurt him on purpose, and he trusted that he never would. 

Talking still hurt, and he sounded like he had a cotton ball shoved in his mouth, but once they were finished kicking off their shoes he attempted to speak again. 

“Ben, it wasn’t your fault. I know better than to try and wake someone up physically in the middle of a night terror.” 

He remembered his mom used to flick the light to make Brendol Sr. realise he was awake. His PTSD hadn’t been as lasting as it was with Ben, but the memories stuck in his mind. 

“I don’t think we should sleep together anymore.”

Ben’s voice sounded hollow at the admission. Brendol had so many things he wanted to say, but he still struggled with fully expressing himself.

“Don’t be foolish,” was all that came out. 

Ben looked like he wanted to argue, but instead he followed Brendol back to their bedroom. 

He started to strip the bed as soon as they were near it and Brendol watched. It gave him time to put together words that sounded right, and felt right for the moment. 

“I don’t think you’re weak. I understand that it takes time.”

Ben stiffened again, but kept making the bed. Any sheets with a fleck of blood still on the floor. It was only when he started gathering them up to take to the laundry machine that made Brendol talk again despite the discomfort. 

“Leave it on the floor for now. I just want to go back to bed with you.”

He could tell Ben wanted to put it off, he normally wouldn’t have given a shit about dirty sheets. 

“Bren.”

His name held meaning on Ben’s lips, and he wanted to kiss away the doubt. He knew better though, Brendol could hardly talk comfortably, there was no way he was going to be bumping noses in the next few weeks. 

“Look, this sucks, but I’m not going to give up because we had one bad night. Get in bed.”

Brendol made his words an order and he was glad when Ben started to strip down and obey him. The more he could avoid talking the better. 

Undressing himself was slow, but he waved Ben back to bed before he could help.

When he was naked he crawled into bed himself and could feel just how tired he was. Ben’s warmth beside him made it more manageable. 

It was both for Ben and for himself when he tucked himself into his side, resting his head on Ben’s shoulder. He ran his fingers over Ben’s body, touching the muscle and scar that he loved so much. 

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

This time Ben’s voice was softer.

Brendol started to smile, but stopped when it pulled. 

“As long as you stay with me you won’t.”

They were talking about different pains, but Ben understood. Finally, his arm slipped around Brendol’s waist.

His face hurt, but he was almost glad that it did. Now he knew a little more of what Ben needed, and what he needed himself. Going forward he would make sure Ben never doubted his own worth, if only so he could keep Ben with him forever.


End file.
